dalai bobo's...

~Thoughts for Dr. Billy~

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.                                                                  ~Kahlil Gibran

With Love and Grief I bid "adieu" to someone who has meant more to our family than I have words to convey. A  man who filled my beautiful sister's heart with joy and devotion, and who challenged her to pursue her dreams, supported her every step of the way, and was first in line to congratulate her when she realized success. How could a man with such an incredible intellect, sense of humor, and joie de vivre do anything else? Every day of their 34 year journey was nothing short of an Adventure Extradinaire. Together, they set the standard for what a relationship can and should be, for theirs was a love that could not be bent, not even under the most crushing of emotional blows. To see them together was to know "true love" not only exists, but thrives. Not even Death, the cruelest of impositions, can alter that reality.

Billy, you are loved and will be missed beyond reason, dearest of friends, mentors, confidants, and brothers. I am a better person for having spent so many rich and countless hours with you, sharing dreams, insights, and more than a few laughs. I have no doubt the next stage of your "journey" will be as fascinating as this one was, and I suspect those you encounter will love your quick wit, ready laugh, and sparkling grin every bit as much as we always did. Thank you for making Life so damn interesting, not to mention fun. xox

Anyone curious to know a bit more about my wonderful, amazing  and beloved brother-in-law can read about him HERE (scroll down to the bottom of the page to see the full article)

Comments

[neva]

i hope no one minds this post, i just needed to express my grief in a more public way -- and The Snark is hardly the forum for that.

this picture, by the way, is of Mt. Lassen, reflected in Lake Almanor, a place that was very dear to my brother-in-law, and where he and Terri (and Joel and I on more than a few occasions) spent some pretty spectacular and wonderful times. trust me, you haven't lived until you've climbed to the top of that thing. needless to say, Billy climbed it many MANY times. that said, i'd like to mention the fact that, after a very grueling couple of days, he also made it to the top of Mt. Whitney one year -- tho' that was significantly more challenging (and maybe a wee bit more rewarding?) what can i say? Dr. Billy was quite a mountain man -- and a cute one, at that! : ) xox

[Joel]

Beautifully said. It's funny, one of the things I'll always remember is Bill using a half full glass of water to magnify the playing cards of a game we were playing. It seems he had forgotten his glasses but undeterred he competed. As I recall the game playing took a backseat to laughter...something in abundance when Bill was in the vicinity..a kind and gentle spirit with an ever present wit...one of a kind.

Love ya Bill.

[neva]

honey -- it was in Florida, and happened right after our car was broken into when the four of us went to the Keys, remember? so we wound up going back home, where we celebrated New Year's Eve with a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit! or was it Pictionary? whatever -- you're right about that last part, Billy had to use the water in lieu of his glasses, which were in Terri's stolen purse. but hey, it worked, and all we did for the rest of that night was laugh and laugh and laugh! : )

[Theresa]

That's a beautiful tribute to your brother-in-law. It's easy to see that you really loved him.

[cindra]

Beautiful tribute. My heart goes out to your entire family. XO

[ariel]

That's the most wonderful commemoration, to remember the time spent together, good times and bad times and all the laughter. My deepest sympathy to Terry and all that mourn for him.

[tsduff]

My eyes are filled with tears as I read about your loss. Missing one who is no longer nearby where we can hear their voice or touch their hand is a tough place to be. I have no understanding, but it happens to everyone at some point. Big hugs to you and your family.

[neva]

Theresa: thank you so much for your kind words. Bill was such a special man, i wish i had the means for properly expressing the depth of my grief, but i don't. hopefully this provides a little insight for those of you not fortunate to have crossed paths with him. : ) xox

Cindra: thank you. i'm so aware of my own heartache, but my sister is the one who's truly lost without her beloved partner. she was by his side 24/7, and i suspect it will be a long LONG time before her grief subsides even a little. that said, she, too, is an amazing woman, and i know she'll be able to move forward in a way that's both positive and meaningful, and honors her husband -- as well as herself. : ) xox

Ariel: you are so lovely to say such wonderful things. laughter was and IS important, goodness knows Bill gave as good as he got. in all honesty, he was one of the funniest people it's ever been my pleasure to know. the fact that i "got" to be related to him was an honor beyond words. his memorial really was a remarkable & joyous "celebration" of his life, a time for us to all share laughs and tears. good for the soul, i think. : ) xox

Terry: oh, sweetest of friends, thank you for that beautiful sentiment. i know your heart was broken with the loss of your nephew, so i suspect you really CAN and DO understand. i'll gladly take those hugs, and happily pass 'em along (with a few gazillion of my own) to my sister the next time i see her (which i hope will be SOON). : ) xox

[Miz BoheMia]

Loss is something very familiar to me and it pains me that you and yours, and especially Terri, had to live such a huge loss at that.

I loved reading the article on Bill... it was beautiful and he sounds like someone to not only admire but to be in awe of... which makes his passing so much more painful, I am sure.

I can tell you that I, a person who never had the good fortune to meet him, after hearing so much about him in the past year and half of having known each other, was very pained and saddened by news of his passing...

The biggest and most painful losses for me were those of my grandfather and my brother and their presence is one that always is missed, as I am sure Bill's is and shall always be.

My heart goes out to you my dearest Neva de mi corazón, to your family, and to dear Terri whom I so hope is doing ok though I cannot even begin to fathom, nor do I want to, what such a loss means.

May your healing be going well and if ever you need a bohemian amiga, well, you know where to find me!

[Doug]

Of course no one minds this post. Your brother-in-law came into our lives here so this is where we should join you to say farewell and thank you, Bill.

[neva]

Amiga de MI Corazón: you are such a good and lovely friend. i fear i haven't reciprocated very well, of late, but know that your calls and e-mails (and thoughts 'n prayers) were SO very appreciated. trust me, you would have ADORED Bill, especially if you'd been able to take one of his classes. pretty sure he would have adored you, too, BoheMia, for he admired a feisty personality (guessin' that's one of the things that attracted him to my sister, in the first place). he was one in a kajillion (times infinity) and the World is a sadder/less interesting place now that he no longer walks among us. mucho besos & hugs -- and here's hoping we'll be able to have that "chat" soon! : ) xox

Doug: as one who admires a sharp wit and good debate, i suspect you, too, would have adored my brother-in-law. he was most definitely your kind of guy. (thinkin' his passion for the great outdoors would have gone a long way toward sealing your affections, as well). thank you for your words and, of course, for your unwavering support. you, too, are one very special man, and i feel more than a little grateful for your friendship. : ) xox

[Angela]

I remembered so well the lovely tribute you paid to Dr. Bill on his birthday and am beyond saddened to hear this news, both for you and Joel and especially for your sister. It is obvious that Dr. Bill is/was one of those great lights, and I'm sure that he is sorely missed. Peace, love and healing to your family, Neva. I wish I could say or do more. A beautiful tribute to a beautiful person.

[McCafferty Himself]

I have recently experienced several months of what you are now going through, so I know first hand the trying emotions that you now endure.

Although it may sound like a cliche to some, it sounds like you believe, as I do, that your brother-in-law has "graduated" to a superior level of existence.

I have found that if I dwell on the concept that my remarkable lady now suffers no more, it eases my sense of loss somewhat.

A light hearted poem by Dave Allen expresses these sentiments quite well:

"Don't mourn for me now
Don't mourn for me never
I'm going to do nothing
For ever and ever."

Wow! I cannot believe all of the Kleenex tissue I used writing these few sentences. I thought I was beyond that.

Try to think happy thoughts.

[Diesel]

Sounds like a remarkable man. What a terrible loss.

[Shayna]

You wrote about him beautifully. Your family is in my thoughts. Cancer is a horrible thing. My best friend, my grandmother, past away from lung cancer after an 8 year struggle. One day cancer will be like chicken pox... a shot or cream will cure it. This is what I hope!

Anywho... I stopped by to let you know I am kind of back to blogging at a new address http://mymusichighway.blogspot.com

Your family are in my prayers.

[neva]

Angela: thank you SO much for your words. i'm grateful some of you saw that earlier post, because Bill was such a remarkable man, and i truly wanted to honor him in whatever way i had at my disposal. i will SO miss being able to sing one of my silly birthday songs to him next year... tho' i might do so, anyway, because i'm pretty sure he'll hear it! ; ) xox

McCafferty Himself: i had no idea of your own loss, friend, and am so sorry to know you've suffered like that. that said, like you, i DO believe we all move into a place even better than the one we currently inhabit, and find peace knowing we'll be reunited with ALL our loved ones sometime down the road. you've captured the essence of my wonderful brother-in-law with that poem, somehow i suspect he's laughing even as i type. stay well, and let me know if you need more tissues, for goodness knows i've stocked up on quite a few boxes over the past few weeks. xox

Diesel: YOU would have absolutely loveloveloved Bill, Diesel. truly, he would have been the professor you'd have had the most fun with. i happen to think the feeling would have been mutual, as well. i have no doubt you'd have found a truly inspired mentor, as well as a wonderful friend. : ) xox

Shayna: wow... i'm so sorry to hear of your grandmother's ordeal. she must have been so proud of you and all your accomplishments, and i'm certain it thrills her to no end to know you hold her in such high esteem. and it is such a treat to see you here! and SO LOVELY to know you're coming back to blogging -- promise i'll do my best to get over to your "new" address ASAP! : ) xox

[kyahgirl]

Neva, I'm sorry for your loss and that of your sister. You have my deepest sympathy. I know from the way you spoke in the past that you thought the world of Bill.

[Nessa]

Beautiful tribute.

[Jenn]

So sorry for your family's loss, beautiful Neva. I read the article and was awed at what he and Terri accomplished.

Never apologize for expressing yourself here, lovely friend. Not especially for such a beautiful tribute as this.

Hugs to you and yours.

[neva]

Kyahgirl: thank you for those kind words. Bill truly was a remarkable man, and the world is a sadder place without him. : ) xox

Nessa: thank you -- he was, indeed, a beautiful man and i miss him more than i can say. : ) xox

Jenn: you are SO sweet! i tell ya, you would have been truly in awe of Bill, had you met him. i kid you not when i say he was the most amazing teacher, ever. i, too, am in awe of all he and my sister did -- together (as well as separately) they were unstoppable -- and i mean that in the best way possible! ; ) xox

[karma]

honey, he's around - just in a different place

xxx

[pia]

Neva, I became so used to you not posting that I just didn't look

Bill sounds wonderful. I hope that Terri finds a measure of peace and is able to make it through this holiday season not hurting too too much.

[Pavel]

Beautiful Tribute, Snuppy. He sounds like a wonderful man. Much love to you and your family...

[neva]

Karma: i believe that with all my heart! xox

Pia: i'm touched by the fact you checked (i've been such a lousy blogger for so many weeks/months, it's a wonder i have any friends!) thank you so much for those lovely words, my friend. i suspect this will be a difficult holiday season for Terri (as well as the rest of us), but she'll celebrate quietly, and hold all memories of happier times close to her heart. xox

Pavel: sooo sweet of you to stop by, Pavel! thank you for that, and for the kind thoughts. xox

[AP3]

Happy Thanksgiving, Neva!

[schnoodlepooh]

Neva, I am very sorry for your loss. You wrote a very nice tribute for your brother in law. I hope you had a decent Thanksgiving.

[weirsdo]

That was a lovely tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[G]

Neva, that is a lovely tribute indeed. I know how much Bill meant to you and how difficult a loss it is for your sweet sister and your entire family. This is a wonderful tribute and with the link provide us a glimpse of just what a loss it was indeed.

Best to you and the entire family. Have been thinking of you much during these trying times for us both. We'll speak and get together I hope sooner than later. XOX

[G]

You know, I've read this post several times. It is just so beautiful and a wonderful testament to your beloved brother-in-law, Billy. I swear that I left a comment here over the weekend, I am certain that I did, but I keep scouring the comments and it's not here.

Anyway, not important, your beautiful post is. From your post and the link, I really get a glimpse into what a special person Bill was. My thoughts continue to be with Terri and I hope that time is being gentle with her. And of course with you and yours as I know what a tough time it's been.

Love to you NBFF. Let's look forward to December together :) xox

[G]

Okay, well at least I haven't gone completely crazy. :)

[tlp]

I don't have an e-mail for you, so I'll try this comment section for that.

Check this out: http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/opinion/walthandelsman/blog/2007/11/animation_baby_boomers.html

[the frogster]

I've spent a fair amount of time wondering how I'll get through this season (my first one without my dad), then I read posts like yours, Neva, and realize that I'm not alone. Sorry for your loss. Thanks for making me feel like I have company.

[pavel]

Merry Christmas!!!

[Terry]

Hey Neva - Happy New Year, and all that jazz. All the best to you and your family - hope it is better than this past year.

[Quilldancer]

What a beautiful tribute. I am sitting here in tears not only mourning your loss and your sister's, but mine as well for not having the privilege to know him.