"barn tour"

that is correct. i said "barn tour". are you wondering what in the wide wide world of sports that means? hold on to your riding crops, kids... you're about to find out.

yesterday, mommy left bright and early to participate in aformentioned tour, after being asked to do so by one of her friends. mommy thought it sounded interesting, if not a little pretentious, given the fact that it was happening in greenwich, connecticut, where manymany unbelievably wealthy folks reside. and, by "unbelievably wealthy", i mean some of the residents in that community have more money than god. (or so i've been told.)

naturally, when mommy's friend called, the first thing mommy asked was "what should i wear?" because mommy is nothing, if not conscientous about her appearance (naturally that's a lie from the pits of hell, but i digress).  her friend said "well, we'll be looking at a bunch of barns, so i think jeans and tennis shoes are in order."  this made mommy very happy, because she likes to wear her jeans. and, when she's not in flip-flops (which is most of the time), she's usually in a pair of nikes. thus advised, mommy threw on a pair of worn out jeans, a white tee shirt, a pair of nike air soles, and, for good measure, grabbed her favorite jogging hat, just in case her hair got mussed.

when mommy arrived at her friend's house, she was a tad chagrined to note her friend had opted for a pair of "riding pants" (tho' her friend does not ride), which she wore with suede/velcro lacoste athletic shoes, but mommy hoped her friend merely wanted to show off her size 0 figure. unfortunately, once the two reached the pre-tour "barn", where everyone gathered in order to take the tour, mommy realized, much to her dismay, that "jeans & tennis shoes" in "greenwich speak" means, designer pants/shoes/shirts, lots of jewelry, and big beautiful floppy hats. because rich people are just that different. which meant, of course, that out of the initial group of 100 or so folks heading off on this glorious tour, only one was wearing jeans and tennis shoes. mommy.

now, unbeknownst to mommy, her friend had also invited a few other "girlfriends" to participate in the tour, which was fine, because the women were veryvery nice--albeit veryveryvery rich--and seemed happy to have someone of mommy's less-than-dollar-dripping-stature along for the ride. (mommy figures she was asked along to provide comic relief... tho' she suspects many of the laughs ocurred after she left, and at her expense.) the smallest diamond in the bunch was at least 4 carats, tho' turquoise was the gemstone du jour.

one of the fun surprises of the day came in the form of a 1939 cadillac  convertible, which looked much like the car you see here, only without the top. (otherwise, it wouldn't have been a convertible!) mommy and her new best friends got to ride in as they took the tour (apparently this was part of a "silent auction package" mommy's friend's husband had "won" at some fancy-schmancy fund raiser that mommy and daddy did not attend. along with the barn tour tickets, the "package" included transportation in a classic car driven by a wealthy, surgically handsome greenwich nobleman clad in a cashmere blazer and ascot. i swear to god he wore an ascot.) because mommy was among the youngest in the group, she volunteered to ride in the jump seat of this fabulous car, which meant she saw the entire tour backwards. as it turned out, this was not a big deal, since everyone had to hop out of the car in order to actully view these splendid barns in all their rustic glory.

by now, assuming you're still reading, you must be wondering... how, exactly, are barns in greenwich, connecticut, different from barns in, oh say, the rest of the world? well, kids, first, and foremost, they're only "barns" in the most technical sense of the word. the ones mommy saw that were used for actual barnage, were more like stables. and, by "stables", i mean custom-crafted air-conditioned stalls, complete with state of the art tack rooms, horse-sized treadmills, rich leather furniture, and bathrooms nicer than the ones you have in your own home, sitting on acres and acres of pristine pasture land and sporting a hefty price tag of $17,500,000 (one was for sale).  now, each "barn" that is not a "stable"  is filled with works of priceless art, outfitted with luxurious furniture and is referred to as "the guesthouse". or, contains magnificent paintings and is called "the art studio". or, has been completely renovated inside and out in order to be turned into the most charming/amazing house you've ever seen and you want to live there so much it makes you want to cry because you know it must have cost 4 or 5 million dollars to capture the essence of the "elegant-yet-casual lifestyle" most folks can only dream about. (you know, the kind of place you'd expect to see gracing the pages of architectural digest on any given month.)

needless-to-say, mommy was somewhat impressed by all that she, a mere non-monied mortal, was allowed to see. okay, so she was very impressed. and, maybe, just a tad intimidated. okay, so maybe she wasn't really intimidated so much as amused, mostly because she thinks it's hilarious to hear rich people make fun of other rich people for their "over-the-top" extravagances.  (i'm not making this up.)

next week, mommy's been invited to go on another tour in greenwich, this time, to see a bunch of fancy, well-manicured gardens. mommy's pretty sure her friend will suggest an attire of "jeans  & tennis shoes" once again, but mommy's not about to commit another fashion faux pas twice in the same month. nope. mommy plans to look fabulous! and, by "fabulous", i mean designer jeans, a turquoise tee shirt, matching flip flops, and, in case her hair gets mussed, a DKNY jogging cap.

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." ~ Henry Wheeler Shaw

Comments

[Joel]

First of all I think it only fair to disclose how cute you look in jeans, t-shirt, nikes, and hat. I have absolutely no doubt that despite the absence of diamond drippage and designer pant suit on your part you were easily the "belle of the barns." Honey you make jeans and t-shirts look damn good!

Love you - coming home now.

[Mo'a]

Your mommy was right on, the veryveryvery rich dress just like mommy did to go slumming. The veryverypretencious rich have 6 bedrooms and 8 full and 2 half bathrooms what does that tell you....that they are full of.......*blush*
Now mommy should wear a white cotton dress and a bigbig hat for the garden tour.....let the veryvery rich think that she is veryveryvery rich and eccentric :)

[Myspinonthings]

I am sure you have more style in your little finger neva than those broads do in Bob Macke.

I am sorry you had to hang out with a bunch of pretentious Martha Stewart wanna be's.

You can come hang out in your comfy genes at my house anytime.

[Sar]

Congratulations, Puppytoes! With this post you're my new Reiging WPW Inspirational Blogger!

(love the "Belle Of The Barns", Joel!)

[Miz BoheMia]

Ooooh yes! Take Mo'a's advice! She is a wise lady that dear LovaMo'a! Eccentric rich is veryveryvery good indeed!

Man, when you said barn tour I imagined something much more... ummm... mundane? That's not the word but it's early am and the little boy is doing nothing but shriek!

And I second Joel too... I have yet to see you *GASP* but from your words, your powerful and beautiful energy I can visualize you as being nothing but breathtaking!

Here in Spain they say, "aunque la mona se vista de seda, mona se queda" which translated means something like "You may dress a monkey in silk but a monkey she will still remain". And the opposite goes for beauties... dress them down but you just cannot take away that somethin', somethin'! Fo sho!

Hope you wake up to a beautiful day my dear, dear Neva! Besos from Spain!

[cj]

I can't get past the whole "Barn" thing. I live in Minnesota and grew up on a farm. THOSE ARE NOT BARNS DAMNIT! Barns do not have furntiure... if you want to sit, sit on a bale of hay! Did they have rope swings in them? If they did not, it wasn't a very good barn! And since you didn't get to milk any cows you really missed out on the experience!

It sounds like quite a day!!! And I am SURE you had more style and class than anyone there. They sound like a unique group of ladies who needed you for the day. :)

[RisibleGirl]

I'm with Mo'a on this one. White cotton dress and a big hat! Oh, and maybe barefoot. (tee hee)

So, tonight's the big night! Who's gonna win?

[neva]

Honey: you are too too kind... (as usual) but thank you! as long as you like me in jeans and sneaks, what else matters?

lovelovelove you! xoxox

Mo'a: hmmmm. white cotton dress? not a bad idea... knowing me, the only problem would be keeping it clean for the duration of the tour! (i'm a bit clumsy, especially in white!) and i suspect you're 100% correct regarding the need for all those bathrooms! : D

My Spin: you are so sweet! and i'm quite certain it would be waaaay more fun and/or interesting at your place than at many of these folks' homes! thanks! : D

Sar: *blush* i am so proud and humbled by the honor! thankyouthankyou soooo much! and, yep, joel's "belle of the barns" was a great line... wish i'd thought of it! : D

Miz B: i'm thrilled to know you stopped by, for it seems life is more than a bit crazed in the land of bohemians! love the phrase... i'm gonna copy it down and use it one of these days! and thank you for your lovely compliments... and warm wonderful friendship! muchos besos are flying your way, as well! xox

CJ: yes... these people don't live like the rest of us do. and never was that more apparent than when viewing their "barns". tho' i did see hay in some of the stalls... the bales, however, were no where in sight! : D

Risible Girl: i'm gonna have to find a white dress, then! by the way, i'm sooooo happy to see you! i haven't been able to get your blog to load up for the past couple of days, and i was worried... also, those last two comments joel made? that was me (i didn't notice he was logged on... oops! my bad!) hope you're well...REALLY REALLY well!!

and, much as i know you like katharine... i'm pretty sure the winner's gonna be taylor. but, based on the way voting's gone this season... it's really anybody's guess! : D

[Mom101]

Wow this is just an entirely other world from me. Besides, you have to have very thin thighs to get away with jodphurs. Looking forward to hearing part deux.

[actonbell]

That's a great quote at the end of a great post:)
This is most interesting. I had no idea that "barns" like that existed, or that people would be so trite as to laugh at how you came dressed for a country tour. Huh.

Intriguing cultural experience, too!

[joy]

HAHAHA!!!! LMAO!!!
Man, I have SO been there (not the barns part, but the "i feel like a poor relation" part).
what a surreal experience! I'm kind of imagining a galavanting around West Egg, with you observing from a distance in your baseball hat and jeans. or bouncing around on Gatsby's bucket seat while Daisy looks idly at "barns" from the side window.

[kyahgirl]

This is hilarious! Your mommy is one cool chick.

who needs all that money anyway? Bah!

[g]

I love the accompanying pics and then your take - now that's priceless!

[neva]

Mom-101: i had no idea, either! needless to say, it was quite the adventure in the land o' the elite! and, assuming she doesn't take back the invite, i should be taking that garden tour the first week of june... i'll keep ya posted (get it? "posted"? ... heh heh... sorry, it's late and the word play is especially bad!): D

Actonbell: the thing about "ladies" like that is that they don't so much "laugh" as smirk. then they ask you questions in order to make sure you know that they know that you aren't "one of them". (which, of course, i was happy to do, because i never want to be "one of them"!) : D

Joy: i actually thought of you while i was on this tour... because i knew it would crack you up. now i think i'm gonna need to borrow that white linen dress and floppy gardening hat of yours for "the great greenwich garden tour"! : D

Kyahgirl: no one needs that much money! the only value, in my mind, would be all the great things one could do for other people! i'm sure the family selling off their barn & acerage for $17.5 million will be donating lots to charity. or to their daughter's extended riding lessons. the ones she's taking in europe. so she can compete in the olympics. sigh. : D

g: thank you, my friend... and thank you for stopping by! and, congratulations on your new blog, which, from what i've seen thus far, is a wonderful success! : D

[weirsdo]

That was a great description. I did live close enough to Greenwich to smell it for many years, during which my salary ranged from $3000-9500/year.
Going on this must have given Daisy all KINDS of notions!