before i get into the subject of "vaginal ticks", i'd first like to give ya my take (read: mommy's take) on last night's edition of american idol. (just to get it out of the way)
it sucked. no. really. it sucked. it was veryvery sucky. the music sucked. kenny rogers was suckery personified. and mandisa in yet, another pair of jeans? all i can say is those so-called stylists suck to the nth degree. the only thing that didn't suck was the snipe-fest going on between simon and ryan and randy and, most especially, paula. 
mommy's decided that paula must be going through some peri-menopausal hell without the benefit of hormone replacement therapy and/or remifemin (a good substitute for women who don't want to go on hrt), because she A) breaks into a sweat everytime pretty-boy ace sets foot on that stage, B) she just acts weird. all the time. weird. weird. weird. C) she's old enough to be going through peri-menopause (and, therefore, wa-a-a-y too old for ace) and, D) did i mention she's been acting weird?
the other show that mommy & daddy watched last night was house. they like this show because it often makes them laugh. and, sometimes it creeps them out, but in a good way, 'cuz the creepy stuff is usually so interesting/educational. take last night's episode, for instance. a 16 year old girl stopped breathing and almost died. was it because A) she had had a heart transplant a few months earlier? B) she was terribly allergic to her boyfriend's tongue? or C) she had a tick in her vagina? answer: C. that's right. the 16 year old girl had a tick attached to her vagina, which caused her body to go into decending (or was it ascending?) paralysis. because she had a tick. in her vagina. a vaginal tick. needless-to-say, mommy was pretty freaking creeped out. only this time, not in a good way.
you see, as far as mommy's concerned, besides being creepy, ticks are evil. and ever-so-nasty. so you can just imagine what goes through her mind when pondering something as bizarre as having a tick wandering around in one's vagina. mommy's calling her gynecologist even as we speak.
"i'd like to make an appointment for an exam..."
"is this for your annual pap-smear?"
"no. i want to make sure i don't have any ticks in my vagina."
"excuse me? did you say you're having a tick in your vagina? like a spasm?"
"no. i have 3 dogs. and they often come in with ticks. i found one on my back once, but now i'm afraid i might have one in my vagina."
"ma'am, in all the years we've been in practice, i don't think the doctor has ever found a tick in one of his patient's vaginas."
"so he's checked for these things before?"
"ma'am? the doctor's pretty booked right now... perhaps you should consider taking your potentially tick-filled vagina someplace else."
"can i get a referral for that?"
click
on that note... i'll sign off. mommy's rooting around in the junk drawer, and i think it's 'cuz she's looking for her tweezers and a comb. which means i need to find a place to hide. sigh.
(oh, as for the next adios on idol? i'm thinkin' this is the week bucky's gonna hop in the saddle and head off into the sunset (boulevard). surely the voters have had enough. and, in case you're desperate to know more about last night's snipe-fest...check out what daddy had to say. trust me, you won't be sorry!)
"You know, Arthur, when you spend two months riding around on a really big man, you start to learn a few things about yourself. You learn that it is a really great thing to stay on Earth and live in a place that has no arms or legs of its own. And most importantly, Arthur, you learn how to close your eyes and tell yourself that this just isn't happening to me." ~ The Tick (Animated TV Series)
One of your best! Educational yet hilarious. Quite the picture you've painted for me although House did a pretty good job at that last night. I too hate ticks but grow much less fearful the more we have to deal with them...besides...thanks to you I now know that one can survive such things as tick bites without too much pain and suffering. Great post honey!
Love you
Posted by: joel | 05 April 2006 at 02:16 PM
Vaginal ticks eh? Eek. I don't think I'd like a vaginal tick... a spasm or a lyme disease giving beast. EEK. That is a terrible terrible image. I may have to ask Erick if he'd ever heard of vaginal ticks - this shall enlighten him I am sure.
I posted on Joel's site about my philosophy as to why AI sucks so much. I think you guys are basing it on a super benchmark and other AI's will never be able to meet your expectations. Think that is it?
:)
Posted by: cj | 05 April 2006 at 02:58 PM
hi cj! and thanks for your comment! actually, we may be basing our opinions on past seasons...tho' we didn't watch it at all last year! actually, i think it's just that the show's pretty underwhelming this year... (we got spoiled watching rockstar: INXS last summer... now that show featured amazing talented singers!)
still, we don't take any of this too seriously, just kind of fun to watch/yip about! : )
Posted by: neva | 05 April 2006 at 03:16 PM
Wow, I've never heard of vaginal ticks--that's really creepy, in an educational way.
I've never watched Idol, but I heard people talking about it today who agree that Bucky's next. Hmmm
Posted by: actonbell | 05 April 2006 at 04:17 PM
yeah... it was a creepy premise... i was completely grossed out by the end of the episode. with 3 dogs & a cat, ticks are always a concern... who needs to worry about the places a rogue tick might wander into on a cold night? aieee!
Posted by: neva | 05 April 2006 at 04:21 PM
"vaginal ticks"...
:giggle:
{snicker}
um, don't think i'll touch this one with a ten foot pole! :-)
Posted by: Karen | 05 April 2006 at 04:37 PM
The tick story's really creepy! Actually, I've heard of this kind of thing 5 years ago in Thailand...though not sure whether it's true or not, but this girl (it always happen to girls! of course, guys don't have vaginas!...unfair!) this girl was died without any signs of diseases or something like that, then the doctors performed an autopsy...and found there were thousands of tick in her vagina!!!! so scary!!! However, some say it's just a story and it's impossible for tick to live in human's body...but who knows!
By the way, I just like the way you post ^___^ you have lots lots lots of fun, indeed! I really love it, especially the "trying to make an appointment to the doctor" part...hee hee hee
Posted by: Jom | 05 April 2006 at 05:03 PM
Now i've heard it all - a tick in her vagina? Come on... do we really have to believe that? don't ticks attach to a person/dog from trees and brush in the woods? now just HOW would a tick crawl up in someone's vagina? and WHY? i think that the tick is the one who needs to be rescued if it's hanging out in some poor 16 year old chick's vagina! but that's just my opinion and of course, i'm not a doctor. i'm just dog pretending to be a person. but a tick... in a vagina... eeeewwwww...
Posted by: schnoodlepooh | 06 April 2006 at 02:24 AM
LOL, great post.
Vaginal ticks...Can we say jumping the shark? Time will tell...
Funny, I don't feel like going camping now.
Posted by: dilusionl | 06 April 2006 at 03:04 AM
Best blog I've read today. I saw that episode of House.
Posted by: Dr. John | 06 April 2006 at 09:15 AM
The thought of ticks infesting vaginas is enough to finally make up my mind to stop sex.
Kissing very clean boobs will be fine for now.
Thank you for warning me.
I feel so sorry for you girls and women going about with ticks in your vaginas.
Now, I know why so many babes walk in a funny way.
Is that why you females spend more time in the bathroom?
Can you flush them out?
I am out of here!
God bless.
Posted by: Orikinla Osinachi | 06 April 2006 at 09:43 AM
haha! My owners watched House the other day too! Gross!
Posted by: Jack Attack | 06 April 2006 at 12:25 PM
dear lord, HILARIOUS! next time i get an itchy, "not so fresh" smell, i'll ask them to check for ticks.
house rocks, btw. i never through i would ever say i have a crush on hugh laurie. but i have a crush on hugh laurie.
Posted by: joy | 06 April 2006 at 12:36 PM
Karen: you would have been even more grossed out if you had seen the actual episode... it was so bizarre (almost offensive)! but... interesting, in a "vaginal tick" kind of way! : D
Jom: i love knowing i make you laugh (especially since i know most of your days are spent pondering serious academic subjects). i can't think a tick could live *inside* a person for very long... it's a pretty creepy thought, tho', huh? (now, hurry up and finish school... so you can come here, marry the boy, help him start a "real" life... and...shall i continue...??) : D
Schnoodlepooh: i know... i know... totally weird/gross! don't think such things happen in real life, tho', so i'm guessin' those of us who love our dogs are safe! (dear lord, let's hope so!) : D
Dilusionl: yeah...suddenly camping involves a whole new set of concerns... (ewwwww)
Dr. John: thank you! you saw the episode... did you see that "diagnosis" coming? me neither (until the very end...)
Orikinia Osinachi: i suppose a tick infested vagina would be a good reason to stop having sex... fortunately, as far as i know, this has never been a "real" problem for women! (of course, i don't know where you live...so maybe it *is* a concern?)
Jack: it was an interesting episode, to say the least! of course, after reading about your "close encounter with skunks" i'm guessing you'd welcome something as simple as a little tick, huh? (that was a great story, by the way... and i'm glad you were quickly/successfully de-scented!) : D
Joy: house really is a great show! but hugh laurie as a heart throb? actually... maybe. at least with this episode the writers are finally lightening up his character a bit (he was starting to seem so misanthropic i wondered if he'd soon be irredeemable, ya know?) this role completely exonerates him from that prissy part he had in "the man in the iron mask", tho', don't ya think? (don't worry, you're secret crush is safe with me... i won't tell anyone! promise!) ; D
Posted by: neva | 06 April 2006 at 07:20 PM
"ma'am? the doctor's pretty booked right now... perhaps you should consider taking your potentially tick-filled vagina someplace else."
Now, that is funny. I guess this might also be why there aren't many nude entomologists running around out there.
By the way, did you ever see Hugh Laurie as Bertie Wooster on the English TV show "Jeeves And Wooster"?
Posted by: TDB | 06 April 2006 at 11:55 PM
tdb: you only asked that question for the excuse to work "bertie wooster" into a sentence, right? tee hee! seriously, i never saw the show, but i'd watch it just for the title!
i never pondered the lack of nude entomologists before... i can think of a number of reasons why that would just seem *wrong*... vaginal ticks notwithstanding! D
Posted by: neva | 07 April 2006 at 12:16 PM