it must be friday...because i can't type. (how are these two things related? i have no idea... but after tapping out that heading...i'm thinking these two things must have something in common. please agree, 'cuz i'd hate to think i've suddenly forgotten how to type!)
actually, mommy and i are fighting over control of the computer right now... she thinks she should be paying the bills. i say who are all these guys named bill, and what are we paying them to do? (mommy didn't laugh, either.)
of course, as you can see, i did manage to wrangle the keyboard away from her, but for how long is anyone's guess. hopefully, it'll be enough time to do what i need to do. and, what's that, you say? glad you asked, i say! i need/want/feel compelled to announce my intention to start sharing the wealth of information at mommy's fingertips in the form of a regular friday feature. (and why should'nt i? daddy has his friday 5 spot, for cryin' out loud! (which is totally awesome, by the way). now get off my case, rubber face, and let me finish my thought before mommy comes back and rips this keyboard from my fragile little fingers paws fingers...).
to continue...in light of A) my post 2 days ago (episode of house/vaginal ticks/ewwwww) B) a certain section of a certain book written by a certain mommy's sister (the veryverysmart dr. terri) and, C) aforementioned sister's remark that "hey, maybe i should add "ticks" when i revise my book--if i ever do revise my book, that is...", i give you my first edition of:
FUN FACTS for a FRIDAY
today's topic (in case ya didn't read wednesday's post):
things that don't belong in--yet were fished out of--a woman's va-jayjay (as documented in actual medical literature)...
- set of false teeth
- pine cone
- rubber ball (discovered 20 years after it found it's way in there)
- shot glass
- highball glass
- flashlight bulb
- cucumber
- onion
- orange
- hard-boiled egg
- the finger of a glove
- aerosol deodorant cap
- leech
- dead mouse
- an iron-handle (from forceps used as wire-cutters)
- broken-off handle of a broom (which remained undetected for 3 months)
now, i'd like to state, for the record, that i'm not sharing this information in order to gross you out. nor do i care to provide anyone with the opportunity for extraordinarily inappropriate/salacious comments. i'm just saying--and this is important--that people are stupid (some more than others).
thus endeth the lesson.
Bebe: You guys still want to go ice skating after school?
Wendy: Oh no, that's okay, Bebe. You might trip and then we'd be sucked into your huge, gaping vagina like ants into a vacuum cleaner.
~ South Park (Animated TV series)
So glad the dogs are boys, but do girl dogs have those vee-jay thingies??? Well, as a human, I know I'm going to be real careful not to put any onions there or hard boiled eggs or vacuum cleaners or t-shirts or aerosol cans or sandwiches or just Nothin'!
Posted by: schnoodlepooh | 07 April 2006 at 07:55 PM
Hilarious and yet informative. Great post honey...makes me even happier that I don't have one of them thar va jay jay thingies.
Posted by: neva | 07 April 2006 at 10:21 PM
hahaha...did the same thing you did the other day...didn't notice you were signed in. Sorry!
Love you
Posted by: Joel | 07 April 2006 at 10:22 PM
Lordamercy, after reading that all I can say is OUCH! and WHY?! *shudder*
Puppytoes/Neva, thank you so much for your fun comments and sweet birthday wishes. You made it extra special and I really appreciate it!
Posted by: Sar | 07 April 2006 at 10:56 PM
"yet were fished out of--a woman's va-jayjay ...
set of false teeth"
oh, my, my, my, the thoughts that are goin' through my mind...
oh, my, my, myyyyyyyyyyyy...
Posted by: Karen | 07 April 2006 at 11:33 PM
Oh my! I missed much vagina talk and what talk it has been! Makes me shudder to think of the kinds of people out there! My god!
Vaginas must be revered! Keep icky things out of it!
This bohemian is in a tizzy!
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 08 April 2006 at 02:37 AM
EEEK!!! The aresol cap just bugs me. I am so glad I am not vaginal forgien object remover... I'd hate that job in the ER.
Posted by: cj | 08 April 2006 at 07:55 AM
OK, that's pretty ummmm, ICK!!!
I have a story about something that didn't belong in a nose...
http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/does_this_make_me_a_bad_mother/
Posted by: RisibleGirl | 08 April 2006 at 03:06 PM
Sar: happy day *after* your birthday, sista/girlfriend! and, yeah, why-oh-why... indeed? (regarding things removed from the v) : D
Karen: kind of boggles the mind, huh? like i said, people are stupid...some more than others! (or maybe they're just careless, but still...ewwww) : D
Miz B: yes, girlfriend, we've been chattin' up the big V... okay, *i've* been chattin' it up, but in a curious/hopefully interesting way! (i blame it on that disturbing episode of house!) : P
cj: i'm with you, girl! foreign object remover in an er is a job i'm sure *no* one volunteers for! (for a really great story, click on to risible's link below your comment... hilarious and yet, horrifying!) ; D
Risible Girl: oh. my. god. it's so dang funny! and yet... oh. my. god. actually, our son (boy #2, again) got something stuck in his ear that caused an infection, but that was only in there for a couple of weeks, and it was just a wadded up napkin, and... well... oh. my. god. but, in response to the question you posed on that post: no, it did not make you a bad mommy. it makes your husband a bad daddy! (just kidding!) thanks for sharing! that was totally great/entertaining (in a "gosh i'm glad that didn't happen to me/my kid kind of way)!! : D
Posted by: neva | 08 April 2006 at 03:50 PM
Sadly, in my career span, I think I have pulled out one or two of those items that have come through the emergency room out of various "Va...." If ya know when I mean Vern:)
Posted by: My Spin | 14 April 2006 at 10:13 PM