what does that mean? i have no idea. but idol sucks. so, you know... maybe ameri-can't and won't have an idol worth writin' home about this year. actually, mommy's sister, the veryverysmart dr. terri summed the show up rather succinctly when she said:
"it was unfortunate."
if ever-oh-ever someone hit the pathetic idol nail on the head, that was it. un-f*cking-fortunate. nevertheless, it's wednesday, and apparently that's when i give you my 2 cents' worth, as well, so, without further ado, here's my take on last night's song-o-rama:
too many song-o-wrongas. we're talkin' love songs here, and rather boring love songs, at that. and these amateurs were "coached" by the magnificant andrea bocelli, and his fabulous producer, david foster, and if that's not a humongous mind f*ck for the insecure singer, i don't know what is. that said, boring and/or poor performances aside, if there is a God, one of the girls will go home tonite (oh please oh please oh please)...
1. katharine: mommy's so glad simon told you that song was too big for you--because it was. in fact, mommy thought it was two sizes too big, not that you asked her, not that you care.
2. elliot: you were good. obviously. i mean, you made paula weep, didn't you? on the other hand, mommy did not weep. but she didn't laugh, either, which means you didn't suck. or stink. (mommy couldn't help but wonder if paula was actually weeping because she missed ace so much. poor paula. couldn't someone please just give her a mercy f*ck so she can get on with her life and viewers can be spared her bizarre antics? just wondering...) speaking of all things pathetic...
3. kellie: kellie kellie kellie your song was very smelly smelly smelly, the folks who made you sing that shit should go to hellie hellie hellie... because girl? you did stink.
4. taylor: stop listening to the stupid so-called coaches and be your own joe cocker-ish/spazztastic self, dude! you're all you have, and, mommy suspects, you're the one most folks want to see. she could be wron...no... she's not wrong. she's right. she's as right as rain. so, be yourself. and, f*ck anyone who tells you otherwise.
5. paris: nope. sorry. you're not barbra streisand, either. not no way, not no how. not know how to be any more clear on the fact that you really bug mommy.
6. chris: c... to the h... to the r...i...s! mommy reallyreally liked your song. and she thought laying on the floor to get in touch with your inner diaphram was about the only good piece of advice anyone got last night.
hmmm... after watching house, guess what? we all discovered there is, in fact, a god afterall! and! not only is there a god, his name is house. (i told ya so) isn't it nice the way the show's storylines and/or my bullshit bloggery managed to come full circle like that? yes. i knew you'd be pleased. and, you know 
what? i think god (and/or house), if there is a god (and/or house), must be pleased, as well. tho', not as pleased as i'll be when he (god and/or house) takes care of aforementioned female elimination tonite on american idol...
"Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat." ~ Julian Huxley
Once again right on the money honey! American't Idol is so true...or maybe American Idolzzzzzzz, which is what I had to fight while watching. A complete and total bore. Who thinks it's fun making everybody sing slow draggy songs - Oh well, this will make it easier to, once again, kick this silly Idol habit once and for all!
Posted by: joel | 26 April 2006 at 08:35 PM
spot on sistie. idol schmidol. maybe things will get better when they do mo' town. or not. again, my apologies about all of this.
Posted by: maxxypawd | 26 April 2006 at 10:14 PM
You didn't mention the WARDROBE malfunction on Katherine! WE saw her panties!
Yup, she popped a button, but was very good at covering it up.
I kind of laughed, even though I really like her.
Nobody really rocked my socks except Elliot last night. That's a surprise for me because Elliot is someone that I have to close my eyes to listen to.
And Paula? She's like a bad accident. I wonder what she's going to do next to make us shudder....
Posted by: RisibleGirl | 26 April 2006 at 10:14 PM
No American Idol here...
House... we are still on the previous season and have catching up to do although have not been too motivated as a)we have so many new shoes that roll in to watch (Lost, 24, Boston Legal, Huff, Spranos... my god! Is that too much? ;-) ) b) the basic skeleton to everything is always the same, which you have mentioned before (you go girl!) which is also the reason CSI never did it for me either...
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 27 April 2006 at 03:17 AM
PS~ Do you guys watch Huff? It is brilliant and Hank Azaria is an amazing and surprising (because in the past he became known for soft-spoken or quirky characters) lead... Blythe Danner, Oliver Plat... excellent cast, brilliant screen and fantastic deliveries... Can you tell I like it? ;-)
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 27 April 2006 at 03:19 AM
Ooops... that was supposed to be brilliant "script"... ok, ok, I am gone now!
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 27 April 2006 at 03:20 AM
Honey: idolzzzzz.... good one! cuz it's definitely been a bit of a snooze this season! lovelovelove you! xoxox
Sister: you're lucky i love you so much, otherwise i'd be very bitter about our viewing choices this year...tee hee! all we can hope for is that rockstar actually rocks, again! it's our only hope! lovelovelove you, too!! : D
Risible: ya know, i thought katharine's dress got more revealing as her song wore on... and you're soooo right about those panty lines--what's up with the cheesy jersey dresses they've been puttin' on these girls, anyway?
as for paula? she really *has* become pathetic, hasn't she? poor dear! : D
Miz B: we watch all that you watch (except for boston legal & lost--which, apparently, is our bad...) and YES! we *do* watch HUFF!! it got kind of depressing by the end of last season & this season started out the same way, but now it's gettin' pretty dang good, again! (fabulous cast--so we hope it *does* stick around!)
another fav we're looking forward to is Deadwood. it's not for everyone... but it *is* for us! : D
Posted by: neva | 27 April 2006 at 08:09 AM
Well now I can come to the party.....I love Deadwood...go figure :) I did learn some new curse words through that show...although I don't have much occasion to use them and I learned tha f*ck used as every other word has a long history.....so what are the elders complaining about? Please tell me that you liked Carnival :)
Posted by: Mo'a | 27 April 2006 at 10:12 AM
Katharine McPhee I thought did really well, and Simon apologized to her:) Nya nya! And yes Chrisssssss I loved Chrissss, and Kelly good bye girly! It was nice knowin you Miss Roboto!
Posted by: My Spin | 29 April 2006 at 02:39 AM