oh, ace. you got axed last night? but you're so pretty! so very f*cking pretty! how could this have happened?
actually, mommy and daddy know how it happened. they figured your days were numbered after last week, they just didn't realize there'd be so few. sigh. maybe it was that suit/tie/pony tail. not that it wasn't nice to see your pretty face, mind ya, but mommy thought you were always prettiest when you weren't so "styled" 'n shit...like at the beginning of the season, when you were more of a natural beauty, y'know? instead, tuesday night? mommy thought you looked like the product of some over-anxious mary trying to make a name for himself (other than mary). but that's just mommy.
mommy may have been disappointed (hah!) to learn she won't get to hear you sing again--especially after she found out the contestants will be coached by the great andrea bocelli next week (seriously? what the hell is up with that? he's so fabulous. and he's gonna coach the contestants on american idol? bizarre.)--but make no mistake, mommy was also extremely amused least twice last night: once, when she noticed that paula couldn't manage to say say word one about you being in the bottom 3 (mommy chalked paula's non-utterances up to shock/dismay/hot flash) and again as she watched poorpoor paula sway/swoon as you sang your farewell song... especially as the camera pulled out for a wide shot just before the credits, and viewers were treated to the sight of paula workin' it so hard she nearly knocked simon and randy off the judges' platform.
mommy sure hopes paula finally gets what she clearly needs most, a prescription for prozac a vibrator a better plastic surgeon a good night's sleep. now that she won't have to lay awake worrying about which outfit will show her new boobs off best, that might happen.
speaking of tv and/or vaginas (well, kinda/sorta, right?). mommy almost fell off the couch while watching last night's episode of south park (a show mommy adores--tho' she's pretty sure the show's creators wouldn't want to know that, since mommy's hardly part of the demographic south park targets--not that she gives a rat's ass about such things). anyway, last night, the show featured towelie (the worst character ever, according to cartman)
--the character whose catch-phrase is "wanna get high?" (boy #1 pointed out to mommy that towlie episodes always occur in april, around 4/20. apparently there's a reason for this, which explains what boy #2 was celebrating last night. or not.). now...where was i? oh yeah! south park. and towlie, who, it seems, had decided to turn his "life" around by writing a book called, "a million little fibers", which landed him on--you guessed it--oprah (whose ass was HUGE, i might add). now, as far as i'm concerned, that right there is enough to make the episode noteworthy, but, apparently matt stone and trey parker thought otherwise...
naturally, i don't want to give anything away, in case some of you missed it, so i'll just say this: at one point, oprah's vagina (which had a very deep voice, by the way) tried to sabotage her career, and her asshole (which sounds like a scotsman) joined in the fun, and, by the end of the episode, the two wound up holding a whole lot of folks in chicago hostage--by brandishing a gun. that's right. oprah's vagina "held" a gun. not only that, it managed to squeeze off a shot. can you "see" it? cuz mommy did. and she thought it was beyond funny.
what's that, ya say? you think the aforementioned episode of south park took the whole "stuff-in-a-vagina" thing a smidge too far? well then, i'm guessing you didn't read the story i linked to late yesterday--in which case, i suggest you read it now! (oh, and dr. terri? even tho' she did not see that episode of boston legal (you saw it, too, Miz B?) mommy totally agrees.
it is time to do an update on your book and get it back on the bookstore shelves. oh yes it's definitely time.) yet another story that serves to reaffirm what i have said time and time again, kids... people are stupid. (don't know how oprah's gun-toting vagina fits into all that, but somehow, i'm sure it does).
"Wow! Cartoons are really getting dirty." ~ Stan (South Park)
Didn't know you were quite so fond of Ace my dear...hmmm. Well don't worry about too pretty boy...my prediction is he'll soon find a role on The OC or some other 20-something, angst ridden Fox drama...he'll also release a solo album of boy band type songs and appear on the cover of Tiger Beat (is that mag still around?) So, bottom line? Don't cry for Ace Sophie-tina.
Love you
Posted by: joel | 20 April 2006 at 04:12 PM
me? overly fond of too too pretty-boy ace? gimme a break, honey, that is *so* not the case! (paula, on the other hand... whole different story!)
i totally agree with ya about his future, tho'... ace-baby's perfect for the OC or some such falderal... and, yeah--cover of "tiger beat"/"teen beat"/"whatever beat", fer sher! tee hee! : D
lovelovelove YOU and only YOU!! xoxoxoxoxo
Posted by: neva | 20 April 2006 at 05:27 PM
Hee hee hee...I really like Mr. Towelie and his book -'a million little fiber' :D
And...totally agree with you about Ace's pretty face! ^__^
Your 'whatever beat cover' did saved me from being bored (of studying thing!) and brought me big smile (it'd definitely bring a big laugh if I'm not in library!) :D
Have a great day! (or/and night...lol)
Posted by: Jom | 20 April 2006 at 07:11 PM
Jom: i will be soooo happy when you don't have to spend every waking moment in that darn library! (soon, right?) glad i could put a smile on your face, young lady--i thought you'd enjoy seeing what "ace" looked like... hee hee! (i'm still gonna have to share that link you gave me to the thai version of american idol--seriously? those kids were much better than the ones we've been watching lately (except for chris and taylor...)
don't forget to take a little time for yourself... and relax. you're going to do GREAT on that exam--i just know it! and, remember, we love you, sweet jom! have a fantastic evening! ^__^
Posted by: neva | 20 April 2006 at 08:02 PM
'k... i finally answered my *tag* but jes remember, yer gonna havta bail me outa jail if i git caught!! {tee, hee}
Posted by: Karen | 20 April 2006 at 10:02 PM
I will have to dvr the episode of south park. I love South Park when I get a chance... Thea likes to try and watch it too... and thats not so good.
:) Poor Paula....
Posted by: cj | 20 April 2006 at 11:15 PM
Yep, Oprah's talking, gun wielding orifices and a lisping, limp wristed Geraldo Rivera, made it an episode to remember.
Posted by: TDB | 21 April 2006 at 12:22 AM
What is WRONG with these people???? WHAT do they do to those poor, mistreated vaginas? MY GOD! I am proud of my vagina and will care for it and never would the thought of a grenade up the vagina cross my mind!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!!
Oh yes, I did see that episode of Boston Legal and loved, loved, LOVED how the woman got the last word and men and society on the whole was made to be seen as pathetic... YAY David E. Kelley! Michelle Pfeiffer has good taste and a partner unafraid to say the "dreaded" V word... Luckily for me, bohemians are vagina friendly... ;-P
See what happens here when you say the word my dear? Oh my! ;-)
Though my children are too young, waaaay too young for South Park, my son (who is 3) would not be too happy of Oprah being made fun of as he is a big fan and my daughter would laugh her ass off as she loves anything to do with vaginas and/ or potty humour (not that vaginas are classes as potty humour but I would say that asses are!)...
Ok, ok... the bohemian will be quiet now! Hope you have a great day dear Neva! Many kisses to you my friend!!!
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 21 April 2006 at 04:07 AM
Ugh... yes I am aware of all my spelling mistakes... forgive this bohemian!
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 21 April 2006 at 04:08 AM
It is decided....I shall look at TV vaciriously, through Neva's eyes....all other vacarious living shall be done through MizBohemia.
I can see that my live just gets better and better :)
I did watch "Gandhi" yesterday....boy!!!we could use a Ghandhi like person to stear us in the right direction.....I wonder what he would think of what is happening in the world now?
Posted by: Mo'a | 21 April 2006 at 10:07 AM
i cannot *believe* missed Oprah's vagina AND her anus (talking like a scotts man). GENIUS!
i think "vagina" is a recurrent theme for puppytoes. perhaps your tag line should be "think inside the box" or somesuch;-)
Posted by: joy | 21 April 2006 at 01:41 PM
Neva: Yeah, the exam is on this (very-close) coming Monday!. After that I'll be travelling for a week and then...guess that I have to turn back to this boring place again....lol..to start working on my dissertation. The course will finish on 1st September (my dissertation deadline) and then...I'll be free! (from study!) and then I have to look for a job and keep following my 'life plan'... that's it! ^__^
Have a happy afternoon and night! ^___^
Posted by: Jom | 21 April 2006 at 02:42 PM
I am so glad ACE is gone! He's a great model but a singer, blech. I am thinking that the little pickle will win it, or baldy daltry, or perhaps spastic taylor:) At any rate, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE FREAKING VISUAL of Oprah's VAGINA and ASSHOLE! AIEEEEEEE!!!! "LA LA LA LA LA I am NOT LISTENING!"
Have a super weekend, I am headed off to the master gardeders sale:) Heirloom tomatoes are calling xxoxo
Posted by: My Spin | 22 April 2006 at 10:43 AM
Karen: loveloveloooooved your meme, you rowdy girl, you! too fun... and too bad we didn't know each other growing up! (or, maybe that's a good thing... hee hee!) : D
CJ: the south park episode is beyond funny/outrageous! but no... thea must NOT see it! (animation does *not* necessarily a good kids' show make!) ; D
TDB: oh yeah--i didn't want to make the post any longer, so i didn't mention geraldo... but that depiction was golden! (he's such a doof) p.s. you last two posts were pretty dang funny... i'm thinkin' you could have a career writing such stuff! (or, do you, already?): D
Miz B: i know! what's up with all the vagina talk, anyway? you and my sister saw/enjoyed that episode of boston proper (it's the one show joel and i haven't been watching--but should!) your son loves oprah? hmmmmm. and shoes?? hmmmmm. just kidding! oprah does many wonderful/amazing things...(tho' the gun in her vagina was still pretty dang funny!)
hugs and kisses right back to ya, sister/girlfriend! ^__^
Mo'a: i know what ya mean... i live vicariously through the fabulous Miz B, too! don't change your tv habits--trust me, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and we waste waaay too many brain cells on a whole lotta crap! ghandi would be dismayed and, perhaps a bit amused. (i don't think he was big on wasting brain cells, either!) : D
Joy: HAHAHAHAHAHA! "think inside the box", *best* line ever! (can't wait to share that one with my sister!)
your little one can't be watching shows like south park--tho' i'm thinking you'd totally enjoy it! (or, if you're already a fan, then... good! and you can catch that episode again this weekend! i highly recommend it!) : D
Jom: okay, so now we have a bit of a timeline to focus on... which is good! where will you be traveling? (are you going home? or just around?)
lots and lots and lots of good thoughts & love coming your way right now... just remember, the end is in sight! you CAN DO this... and you WILL!! ^__^
My Spin: yup, ace was gettin' to be a little much for us, as well. as joel says, ace'll wind up on the OC or some such show, and probably land a job with calvin klein (he could sell those undies, that's for sure!) oh, and, trust me, girlfriend--you would have laughed your own fine ass off at that episode of south park! it was funnyfunnyfunny!
gardening sale?? i'm so jealous!! (even tho' we only do containers... it still counts, right?) have a fabulous weeked, too! : D
Posted by: neva | 22 April 2006 at 02:26 PM