i have been sitting in the office trying my best to compose something meaningful all morning, but with little success. i think it's because of max. not because he's a girlie-dog. not because he's a wimp that barks non-stop at the drop of a cat (by the way, you'll be happy to know fuzzy was not hurt after slipping off the desk). no, max is preventing me from conjuring up worms of wisdom and/or wit because he farts like a 457 pound sumo wrestler after consuming a huge bowl of aduki beans, brown rice, and broccoli, then sucking up a shit load of fugu sushi.
of course, i have no way of knowing for sure if fugu sushi actually causes massive amounts of flatulence, but in my mind, it does. my point--because i do have one--is that it's impossible for me to think my way through this haze of smelly dog farts i find myself currently immersed in. now, the other day i saw this item featured on dave barry's blog*, and, i'm thinking i should see if mommy and/or daddy might not want to pick one up. 
though, one wonders if it would be A) difficult to actually attach to max's ass and B) difficult to take-off C) so smelly we'd all have to move to another state. still, it might be worth it, if only to provide me with a breath or two of fresh air in order to properly compose my worms.
*oh, and speaking of the aforementioned pulitzer-prize winning humorist's blog? i just happened to be cruising it earlier and i was shocked (shocked i tell you, shocked!) to discover this link to a game that lets people shoot puppies! can i get an ack! out of everyone??
how 'bout an aieeeee! those bastards! (is nothing sacred?) of course, if max doesn't learn how to control his stinky little problem soon, i might have to find a way to insert him into the game. heh heh. just kidding. (or...am i?) oh, and in case ya wondered? it took me exactly 10 mins 34 secs to not shoot that stupid f*cking puppy (in 15 levels).
"I tell you we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different." ~ Kurt Vonnegut
I know your pain! I think the "flat D" apparatus may warrant consideration. What is your buddy Dave B. thinking linking to a game like that? You may need to leave him a nasty comment. Love you - glad, glad, glad it's Friday.
Posted by: joel | 31 March 2006 at 01:00 PM
i *did* leave a nasty comment! (cuz i agree... what the hell was he thinking? tho' i actually think judi's the one who put up the post!)
hooray for friday!!! (come home early... so we can get an early start on the weekend! you owe me!)
lovelovelove you, too!
xoxoxo
Posted by: neva | 31 March 2006 at 02:06 PM
We just want to know what Mr Max, the incredible farting dog, had for dinner!
Posted by: schnoodlepooh | 31 March 2006 at 03:13 PM
That Puppytoes is responsible for soem of the most clever writing I've read today. And the Vonnegut quote perfectly compliments your post!
Have a wonderful weekend. :)
Posted by: Sar | 31 March 2006 at 03:27 PM
This is the funniest post! :) I love love love it!
I'm in the library at the moment...and 5 minutes ago, while I was reading your post, my friend came and asked 'why are you smiling?' (she looked at me as if I was loosing my mind because of the essays..LOL)...I was like...oh really? I didn't notice that! ^____^
Posted by: Jom | 31 March 2006 at 03:32 PM
Reminds me of my cats! They are ragdoll cats and for a chick who was raised by 5 cats never in my life have a met a couple that stink soooo badly as these two! MY GOD! They must be your dog's cat equivalents!
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 31 March 2006 at 04:01 PM
haha! Stinky Max! =D Hope that gets better!
And as for the puppy game.. I've seen it before.... sick... =P
Posted by: Jack Attack | 31 March 2006 at 04:55 PM
"he farts like a 457 pound sumo wrestler after consuming a huge bowl of aduki beans, brown rice, and broccoli, then sucking up a shit load of fugu sushi"...
hate it when that happens... ROTFLMAO!
Posted by: Karen | 31 March 2006 at 06:24 PM
schnoodlepooh: weiners (no, not really...) who knows what max eats when we're not looking? whatever it is, it usually wants out--in the *worst* way (oops... bad pun, sorry)!
sar: coming from you that's a great compliment, sister/girlfriend! and thanks for noticing the quote, too...i was really lucky to find it! i try to make my quotes relate to my posts... some days are better than others!
jom: if i can make you smile, i'm happy! i know you're going crazy with all your studies... do your friends know you're laughing at fart jokes? (not very high brow... don't tell your mom!)
Miz B: we totally know about stinky cats! (fuzzy-butt certainly qualifies). i'm gonna be really worried for you if max is your cats' equivalent, tho', cuz that's a whole lotta bad smell, girlfriend! (you're not giving them any of those quail eggs, are ya? tee hee)
jack: i wish i thought max would get better, but after 10 years i doubt it. we just try to make a point of sitting up-wind (or is it down-wind? i always get confused) hope you don't float this kind of "stink" around your people...they won't stop loving you, but still...
karen: i'm still laughing after reading all the comments from your post yesterday! (but i'm glad the bean/rice/broccoli/fugu sushi eating wrestler put a smile on your face!) thanks!!
Posted by: neva | 31 March 2006 at 07:30 PM
Actually, Loverboy IS giving them the quail eggs! *GASPETY GASP* I am soooo not kidding! Since I won't touch them and neither is he, the cats get 'em and the weirdos like them! We are talking about cats who shun fresh fish and chicken and turkey that the hubby makes them! But the friggin' quail eggs? Yes, THAT they will eat! They are soo pretty but sooo stupid! Loverboy would kill me if he heard me call them stupid. He says they are simply very "loving and trusting". But hey, I know better! *wink, wink*
Posted by: Miz BoheMia | 01 April 2006 at 12:07 PM
i'm worried about you! and maybe your cats... are you *sure* loverboy likes them? maybe he's playing a cruel cruel joke on you all... "here kitty kitty... nice kitty kitty... eat these quail eggs, kitty kitty...i'll teach you to cough up hairballs on the bed, kitty kitty!"...? kidding! i kid!! : D
you know, it's hard to tell if cats are stupid or just too stuck up to care what anyone thinks about them... (i've always wondered...)
i'm impressed your cats will eat the eggs, actually, our cat is soooo picky he'll only eat one kind of food (of course he's on a special diet these days, but in his youth he was very particular!) now our dogs are a different story... correction, *sophie* is a different story... cuz she'll try anything, once! : )
Posted by: neva | 01 April 2006 at 05:15 PM