remember when i mentioned i was gonna make fun facts for friday a regular feature? well, here it is, friday! and here they are, fun facts! ("fun" being a relative term, mind you--related, i believe, to any one person's level of humor. in other words, if these aren't "fun" enough for you,
f*ck you i apologize, but, as far as i'm concerned, they're mildly entertaining a veritable laugh riot!) today's topic:
6 things you really don't need to know... about mommy (but may find humorous, depending on your relative level of humor--see how i brought that concept through a short, but full circle? isn't that hilarious? if you said "no"... stop reading now, because none of the following will amuse you, either...):
1. mommy is on the cover of her high school year book. mommy was photographed leaning against a tree, in all her bouffant-hair-cheerleader-sweater/skirt/sneakers glory, along with her letterman-jacketed-plaid-pants-long-side-burns-class-valedictorian boyfriend. tres ghic.
2. for no earthly reason, mommy accidentally happened upon knotts landing on the soap network last summer, and wound up watching the last five seasons over the course of a few months. mommy doesn't watch soap operas, ever, and is ashamed that she got so hooked on this silliness. (altho' she did think there was some interesting production value in the show, and, based on some of the plot lines, she honestly believes knotts was a bit ahead of its time. of course, she realizes this is merely her way of rationalizing her obsessive behavior, something she needed to do because, when the show first aired, she actually used to make fun of it.) by the way? daddy doesn't know about this, so mum's the word.
3. mommy and her sister (the veryverysmart dr. terri) once missed winning $17,000 by one quarter. you can read the whole sordid tale here, if you'd like, but only if you're interested in seeing how pathetic mommy (and her sister) can be on any given gambling trip. (tho', i'm guessing the line "mommy and her sister missed winning $17,000 by one quarter" is a dead give-away)
4. speaking of mommy & her sister... they once drove from visalia (in central california) to san diego in order to see tom selleck (their pretend boyfriend at the time) play volleyball with the olympic volleyball team. the trip took nearly 9 hours, because they did it over a holiday weekend (easter, actually!). at the time, one of mommy's best friends lived in san diego, but, since they didn't have an extra ticket, mommy didn't call her. and her friend would never have known about that trip if mommy & her sister hadn't talked to a reporter covering the event for the local newspaper, who then ended the article she wrote by quoting mommy's response to the question "why would you girls go to such lengths to get down here?", which was: "...to make our eyes happy." naturally, mommy's friend read the article, and hasn't spoken to mommy since.
5. mommy was on the Gong Show. [there's ever-so-much-much more to divulge about this one... but, for the sake of brevity, i'm gonna save those details for another day/post. suffice it to say, the story ends with "...by the time mommy started making out with chuck barris, she had such bad gas she had to make an excuse to leave. needless-to-say, she never heard from him again".]
6. when mommy was around 5, she stuck a bobbie pin in an electrical socket... and, yes, mommy thinks this explains everything.
now, since i decided last week to make "fun facts for friday" a regular "feature", i'm sure you can imagine my surprise/delight/dismay to have been tagged by one of mommy's favorite bloggirlfriends, GingaJoy... to write a meme on 6 things you didn't need to know about me. surprise, because, it came as a surprise (duh) and now, hopefully, a surprise for those of you who didn't realize you were reading another meme; delight, because this hasn't exactly been a great "content" week for me, if ya catch my drift (and, i'm guessing if you've read even one of my stupid posts, you do), so i was delighted to have something to write about; and dismay, because after she tagged me, i read GingaJoy's post and it was so hilarious i felt completely and utterly intimidated! but then i decided what the
f*ck heck, i'll go for it, anyway. which, as you now know, is exactly what i did. and may i just say, for the record, how relieved i am to be done? now i'm pretty sure it's time for someone else to experience this f*cking lack of creative writing pain fun! therefore, and without further ado, tag...you're it:
Sar, girlfriend, you're off the hook this time, but only because you're on vacation... otherwise, you'd be so tagged! the following 6 (count 'em six) folks only wish they were so lucky...
Bobo Banjoey (your turn, daddy!)
Miz BoheMia (because we can never know enough about your fabulous/gorgeous little self!)
Karen (we know your politics, girlfriend, but not much else!)
Tan Lucy Pez (you were so dang cute in that "nashville video" -- what other talents are you hiding?)
Peg (what deep dark secrets can we learn about schnoodlepooh?)
Risible Girl (just what you wanted, right? another reason to expose more about yourself!)
CJ (so sweet, so fresh, so young. here's your chance to tell us if you've ever spit in anyone's latte--tee hee!)
"I'm a whore for the laughs! but i'm not necessarily a crowd pleaser." ~ Sarah Silverman